COME ON YOU REDS
The official newsletter of Gongchan United Football Club
Hello, supporters of Gongchan United!
I'm sure you are all as excited as I am that we will be hosting the Guangying Air Ionizers International Semi-pro Invitational this August! Football teams from all over the world will visit our ground to take part, and it is sure to be the event that makes people respect us as a top-flight football club at long last.
It will also be a great time to celebrate fans' loyalty and unity in the wake of the catastrophic collapse of the old rickety South Stand, in which several supporters were injured and one child killed, as well as the unfortunate scuffles surrounding the groundskeepers' strike for better working conditions, which we have evidence we will not show anyone was sponsored by a rival team from the town down the road. You will be pleased to know that an internal investigation has cleared of all wrongdoing the security guards who beat two groundskeepers so hard that they sustained brain injuries!
Now, a lot of people have been criticising my training regime, saying that it concentrates too much on the side-events that will be running as well as the football over the course of the Invitational. But those supplementary, comparatively easy events provide valuable points too. These naysayers don't seem to appreciate that we are so desperate to win that we will take all the points we can get, be they from the event proper, or be they from the Three-legged Race, Musical Chairs or Guess The Weight of The Cake competitions.
Let's keep it harmonious!
JT Hu, Manager
A note from the Principal of Namwah Technical College (formerly St Cuthbert’s Academy for Wealthy Young Gentlemen):
Hiya everybody! It's going to be a wonderful August! You'll be pleased to know that the preparations are complete for our college to host the gymkhana competition alongside the Invitational. Ever since the Gongchan United stadium was deemed unfit for equine habitation (don't worry -- it's OK for humans!) and the event moved to Namwah College instead, we've all been just as excited here as if we'd been something other than a venue of last resort. It's horse mania here, as we've all recently acquired a new-found lifelong interest in equestrianism!
A quick warning to all on campus -- security was forced to escort a Scandinavian sculptor from college premises recently for reasons which are nothing to worry about. Nonetheless, if you do see this man, do not approach him and do not listen to anything bad he says about the college or Gongchan United.